The dilemma of dating versus hookups

Matters of the heart just like the finance bill, cannot be ignored. 

Oxford learners dictionary defines dating as the activity of having a romantic relationship with somebody while hook up is defined as meeting and spending time with someone. In this article, hookups have a sexual connotation.

Falling in love with a human being is one of the most exciting things…until your heart gets broken. You decide that, if love is for the birds, then you must be crocodile . Your heart turns cold, mind suspicious, and your body hornier than ever . This propels you into casual hookups . A warm body tonight , another next friday. Same people , different bodies. Same lessons, different nights. You are stuck in this loop until you want out. You want to mean something to someone . Atleast more than a sex toy this time round.

“ Natafuta bibi (I’m looking for a wife)” and before you can finish that sentence your friends bust out laughing. They have seen you in your whore phase and can’t imagine anything more (or less, honestly) from you. Somehow, your ancestors intercede for you and you get someone you are compatible with . So in love, you are a bird again. And before you can spell out all the letters in LGBTQIA+ , you have moved in together. The honey moon phase dies out and you can’t seem to find even one thing you like about the Love Of Your Life. Their presence irritates you , you want out , they want out. You decide the only way to get over them is to sleep with someone else. But this time you won’t be too attached. Onto another cycle.

Deciding on whether to date or hookup can be a more challenging dilemma than a pastor accepting their queer child. Your heartstrings are pulled left and right ,till all is left is a tattered organ.

One path promises eternal love , a ride or die, someone who will love even your morning breath. It promises security , stability , fulfillment . However, you don’t know how long you will have to wait. Or if anyone is ever the one. The other path, gives you instant access to somebody’s body warmth but, for a few hours. You don't have to share your favourite color with them. And they won't ask the story behind the scar on your left thigh. It promises non-attachment( not detachment because you will have to be attached first). Which one will you choose?

The most important thing is that you are *comfortable* no happy with your decision, and that you communicate expectations with your person. Don’t settle for hookups when you are a romantic because that part of you will aways come up . Also , it would be pointless to date someone when you know you are not ready for a relationship. That would only cause hurt to the parties involved. Take time to figure out what you need.

Somehow, in this homophobic world, there exist love. You are worthy of love. You are deserving of love . And may you love and be loved.

Check out more conversations on Wanjiku Talks Queer .