Queer joy

I'm one of those delusional humans who likes to believe happiness really exists. That despite the hardships life so freely offers, we will all still inevitably experience good and get to keep memories of it. In my wildest dreams, we all find peace in the madness, find ourselves in this ocean full of 7 billion humans who are all trying to keep their heads above the water. Somehow in my fantasies, we all get to feel joy, we all get to be our full selves - our full queer selves.

Many a times we all play the perpetrators of harm in our very own lives. Aren't we all our own worst critics? What haven't you really not told yourself yet? How many times have you judged and hated on yourself for being not only what but who you are? How many times have you not only wished but actually prayed and fasted that you could be different? How many times have you asked yourself the question - "what's wrong with me?" Are you uncomfortable in your own skin? Does the person who lives inside you show themselves when you're looking at the mirror? Do you recognize the person, the human you are?

Experiencing life as a queer human comes with a huge task of checking yourself. Sufficiency is not only a topic that's always on the table - it always daunts at the back of your mind. "Am I enough?" "Am I good enough?" Somehow societal culture imposed on us that being queer and identifying as a queer person looks like inadequacy. It's a shortcoming, a flaw in our making - religious people call it sinful. Sin is bad. If you're doing something bad, doesn't that make you bad? And isn't that a line of thoughts a lot of us who are queer but still believe in God have?... Whether religious or atheist - I tend to wildly believe that as humans we all want to identify as *good*. A good character, a clean name and a decent track record are things a lot if not all of us cherish and value. We're all trying to leave a positive mark on the world, leaving this place a little better than we found it. Yet somehow that's all threatened on the basis of our sexuality. Our character is on the line for falling in love with people we're "not supposed to".

Hence...can QUEER JOY really be actualised? Is it a practical philosophy that can be integrated into reality? Are queer people meant to experience joy in general society? Or are our lives doomed for emotional turmoil, confusion and discrimination?

The year is 2024, it's fair to say every human being is going through their share of hardship. We're not only fighting for our livelihood and survival at this moment - we're fighting for our sanity. A lot of us are trying to make sense of the madness that is very relentless and prevalent in current society. What's the easy way out?... Cue in delusion. #deluluisthesolulu

Never has there been a time in modern society like this, where almost if not all external sources of joy are depleted. The only way left is looking inwards - inside. Towards oneself.

Queer joy is a journey of self-actualisation, it's a journey towards self-acceptance, taking back control of our individual narratives and unlearning lessons on self-hate that society so generously offers to date. It's a turning point - the point where you come back home to yourself. Queer joy is greatly tied to our faith - our individual beliefs on right and wrong. A large part of being queer looks like figuring out where you stand in matters of spirituality. And that can easily be a source of dilemma for most of us. In order for us to actually experience joy we need to ask ourselves, “what informs our perception of right and wrong?” Are we following a culture passed down onto us that no longer resonates with us? Does being queer take away from your goodness as a person?...

There is a need to find peace in self, find security in self, find enoughness in self - only then can joy be uncovered. Regardless of being queer or not.

It has been heavily imposed on us, the need to play a certain character - "the acceptable character". We're softly yet boldly coerced to trade our truth for acceptance - our joy for the security of conformity. On grounds such as economic independence, our societal picture and general perception - it's easy to give in. It's easy to follow suit because it's a road that's been proven safe and redeemable. Honestly - no judgement whatsoever to those who choose to take it. Then again, let it not be lost on you - you're a human. Your time here on earth is limited - we're all just visiting for a couple of years. As a human, you're bound to be messy, you're bound to be vulnerable, you're bound to be different - flawed. Whether you choose to see beauty or not is solely on you. We're all doing life for the first time - no one has the guidebook. The only “right” way of living life is actually living it. So please... allow yourself to mess up, allow yourself to experience love- experience life, allow yourself to be yourself.

Queer joy isn't a destination - it's a lifelong journey of soul searching. It's a commitment you choose to make to understand oneself.